Going to university in September? Jel. Get ready for some of the best years of your life! People may warn you about budgeting, late nights in the library and crappy student accommodation. What people won’t warn you about is the number of f*ckboys you will encounter along your way. But we will. So, here’s our actual useful guide to the 5 types of f*ckboys to watch out for at university. You are welcome.
The mummy’s boy
Ok, so admittedly you might not have known how to switch an oven on before going to university. But, the mummy’s boy is the guy you’ll be forced to share halls with who cannot do anything for himself…ANYTHING. This particular type of hun will never wash up after he has attempted to make anything in your shared kitchen. If he ever uses your milk he will never replace it because the only shop he has ever entered is Topman to purchase some uncomfortably skinny jeans. Plus, he will think he’s the dog’s bollocks because his mum has told him so. Until he learns how to use a hoover, and where the local Tesco express is, avoid at all costs – Unless you want to quite literally adopt him.
He’s fresh out of first-year and apparently thinks he is a bit of a ‘face’ on campus. Welcome to ‘second-year guy’. You’ll probably meet second-year guy in freshers’ week. The truth is he’s probably slept with all the girls in his year and now they’re wise to his f*ckboy ways. So he’s moving on to the newbies and trying his luck with some unsuspecting first years. He might seem like a good idea when you need a break from halls, and he’s telling tales of his student house where only three people live instead of 300, but be warned. You will be the first of many and no one needs an awkward encounter in the library… avoid, avoid, avoid.
The reinvention guy
Ok so yes, moving to a new city, meeting new people and living away from your parents does mean you can ‘reinvent’ yourself somewhat. By ‘re-invent’, we mean a new haircut, perhaps a piercing, not a full blown Kylie Jenner before and after sitch. But as you will find, some guys get FAR too into the whole reinvention thing. You’re not Kanye hun, you’re Dave from Hull. He may not have been the most popular guy in school, and that’s fine, being popular in high school is overrated. But this hun is DETERMINED to be the big dog on campus, and he will do anything, and more importantly anyone to get there. Kim may have stuck by Kanye during his rise from the college dropout to Yeezy, but you do not need to stick about to witness this… run for cover.
The guy who disappears quicker than your student loan
Picture this: You’re in a new city, in a new bar with your new friends. Look over there, there’s a new boy giving you the ‘come over here and I will buy you a £1 shot’ eyes. The start of all great love stories, amirite? So you get chatting, and apart from the fact that he is FIT, he actually has banter, seems genuinely interested in what you have to say and when he’s talking to you he looks at your eyes and not your tits. Have you discovered the holy grail?! No, nope, no you have not, babe. You continue to enjoy your evening together, the sexual tension is almost too much and a few cheap shots and a very, very promising cheeky snog later you swap numbers and decide to meet up tomorrow night…
The next day you wake up like a kid at Christmas, expecting a message. Nothing yet, but it’s cool you’ve got all day… as night draws and you and your new friends start the nightly freshers’ pre-drinks, you start to question whether or not you had imagined this guy? But no you didn’t, he’s just THAT guy, the disappearing guy. All you can do now is let him go, remember him fondly and be glad you got a few free drinks from him…NEXT!
The we’ve all been there guy
Freshers’ week. It’s a booze-filled week, where young people are penned in together at club nights. Naturally, sex ensues, and hey as long as you’re safe there ain’t nothing wrong with that. You’re a few vodkas deep and you think you’re Sasha Fierce. You keep bumping into the same guy at the bar. Your eyes meet over cheap tequila, poor decisions and Justin Bieber’s ‘Despacito’. As you are all booted out of da club, you see each other in the taxi queue and think to yourself ‘why ever not’. As things get hot and heavy in the taxi, he fumbles for his halls fob and off you both go. The next morning in the cold light of day, you think that was nice, but if I leave now I can still get a Maccies breakfast, so you say your goodbyes, swap numbers and off you trot.
That night you see him again, you smile coyly and walk over… and he more or less blanks you, mumbles something at the floor, says a swift goodbye and disappears into the depths of the dancefloor. WHAT?! No time for this sort of hun, you were in his bed less than 24 hours ago and we hate bad manners. Just put it down to you being far too much woman for the boy. Grab yourself a drink and get your Sasha Fierce back on. You don’t need him and like I said, we really have all been there!
Good luck babes!
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