Sex Confessions: One Night Stands – Part 3
Want to feel instantly better about your terribly awkward one stand stand stories? We got you. We asked Missguided customers to dish the dirty on their funniest and most disastrous drunken fumbles. The beer fear is definitely real for these girls. Enjoy x
One night I was having drinks with my friend, her boyfriend and his best friend. When the couple had gone to bed, I was left downstairs with said best friend. We’d been flirting on and off for a while and one thing led to another and we got down to business. I was bent over and suddenly felt like I needed to fart. I warned him and he stopped what he was doing, but I couldn’t hold it in any more, so I just farted. Then we just kind of went to sleep and he never spoke to me again. He even blocked me on Facebook, all because of a fart.
I worked in a charity fundraising call centre for a while and every time you got a top donation, they would put a Charizard Pokemon character on the leaderboard next to your name. Anyway, I went back with a colleague on night and we were having sex. When he finished, he shouted “CHARIZAAAARD”. I was literally like wtf, and he ran away to shower saying “omg forget I ever did that” SO WEIRD
I went home with a guy one Christmas Eve, with the plan of leaving as soon as the deed was done. That did not happen and I woke up at 8am. I tried to escape quietly, but I had to walk through his living room to get to the front door. I was still in last night’s dress and had to wish all of his family Merry Christmas as I passed them all . When I finally got home (still very drunk), my family were all tucking into their Xmas breakfast, I just had to make up a story about staying at a ‘friend’s’ house.
I took a boy home from a night out and it just so happened to be his birthday. We were midway through doing the deed when he stopped with a horrified look on his face. He said he needed to be sick, so I threw on a top and ran downstairs to grab any container I could find (ended up being a mixing bowl). I was also caught by my male housemate in the kitchen (bearing in mind I had a top and no bottom at all, on so my bare bum was out ). I ran back to my room to find the boy full-on projectile vomiting out of my window. I then spent the rest of the night rubbing his back, while he sat fully naked being sick in a mixing bowl and crying!
During freshers week I went home with a boy and after our adult sleepover, for the life of me I couldn’t remember his name. So, I thought to myself ‘you know what I think I’m able to get out of this’. I thought I’d ask him how to spell his name and play it off that I’ve seen different spellings of it. He replied “M.A.X”, that’s when I realised that the plan wasn’t really fool proof. I had to apologise for forgetting his name and now every time I see him at uni I put my head down due to pure embarrassment.
I went over to a guy’s place who I met on Tinder. Things moved quickly, but all of a sudden his face started to swell up. It turns out that he had a peanut allergy and I had been eating them earlier in the day. The oil on my hands had given him a reaction, so we ended up in A&E at 2am.
I had not long broke up with my first serious bf (of 4 years) and the girls took me on a night out with the hope that I’d go back to a guy’s house. This did happen. I had a good night and when I woke up, I asked him where the bathroom was so that I could freshen up. I had my shower and came back to what I thought was his room with the towel round me. As I shut the door behind me, I dropped the towel and his 17-year-old younger brother was just staring at me and we both screamed. I think we are both emotionally scarred from this. I saw the guy out not that long ago (we hadn’t spoken since I left the house in fear) and he said they all still laugh about it.
Who says romance isn’t dead? No matter what happens on your next one night stand, at least you can still look fire in a cute matching lingerie set.